theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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