I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
