You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
