So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
