i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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