Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
