i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
