it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
