just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
