before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
