Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
