Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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