You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
