He had one of those small greek statue penises
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
