How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
