i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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