I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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