Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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