Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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