Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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