Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
