Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
