Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
