Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
