Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
