Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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