CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
