He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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