I'm drive I can fine osifer
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
