Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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