One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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