Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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