just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
