My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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