Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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