I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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