May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
