wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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