the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
