Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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