Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
where are my pants?
in the oven.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
