hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm passing your future prison.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
