that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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