the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
