what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
