chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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