when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
