literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
