Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
