you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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