I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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