News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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