as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
