I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
