Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
