So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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