I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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