I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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