I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
