So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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