Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
