Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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