I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
