I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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