good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize