So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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