Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
