i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This baby is an asshole
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
