would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
