u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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