We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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