How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
