We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
