ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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